Talking to your child about Incel culture
With more young people spending time online, harmful communities can become a growing influence.
The recent Netflix drama Adolescence has highlighted the rise of incel (involuntary celibate) spaces and their impact on young people. As a parent or carer, understanding this online subculture can help you recognise early warning signs and have open, supportive conversations with your child. This guide breaks down what incel ideology is, common terms, signs to be aware of, and conversation starters to help you navigate this issue.
What is an Incel?
The term incel refers to people, mostly men, who feel unable to have romantic or sexual relationships, often blaming others, particularly women, for their experiences. While not all incels engage in harmful behaviour, some online groups encourage misogyny, victimhood, and, in extreme cases, even violence. These spaces can negatively shape how young people see themselves and their relationships with others.
Incel Terminology to Know
- Red Pill – A reference to The Matrix, meaning ‘waking up’ to gender ‘realities’ as incels see them.
- Chad – A term for a man perceived as attractive and successful.
- Stacy – A conventionally attractive woman who is thought to prefer men like Chad.
- Becky – A term for an average woman, contrasted with a Stacy.
- Femoid/Foid – A degrading term for women, implying inferiority.
- Black Pill – The belief that self-improvement is pointless, and nothing will change.
- 80/20 Rule – The idea that 80% of women are only attracted to 20% of men.
- Andrew Tate – A controversial figure who promotes incel and misogynistic ideas.
It’s not always easy to tell when a young person is being influenced by harmful online communities. Noticing behaviours can be an opportunity to check in, start a conversation, and offer support. Here are some key things to look out for:
- Increased self-doubt or low confidence
- Use of incel-specific terms or phrases
- Expressing hostility towards women or relationships
- Becoming more withdrawn or secretive
- Heightened frustration or anger
How to Start the Conversation
Talking about these topics with your child can feel daunting, but an open and non-judgmental approach can help. Consider starting with questions like:
- What do you think makes a healthy relationship?
- Do you think it’s fair to blame one group of people for personal difficulties?
- How do you decide whether something you read online is trustworthy?
Understanding incel communities and their influence on young people can feel overwhelming. Keeping communication open, encouraging critical thinking, and providing a safe space for discussion can help your child build resilience against harmful influences they may come across.
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